I Couldn't Sleep, So I Decided to Write.

I have been trying to wrap my mind around His goodness lately, thinking back on the hard times and seeing what God has brought me through.  It is always encouraging to see how faithful He was, and to see what gifts He had given me in those tough times, Isaiah 45:3.  His mercies were new every morning, just like He promised.  But, of course He is faithful and of course He is good! ALWAYS!...that's not the question, right?  The question is my faith and my obedience.  When I look back on how I handled those valleys, I see disobedience.  Ye of little faith.  I acted like a fish out of water, a cat in water, freaking out and once again acting as if God was not a sovereign God in control of it ALL!


I jotted down some things I have seen around me or have personally experienced, things that have made me freak out and stress over.


God takes a father home and in our eyes, it was much to soon.
A father loses his job.
Bankrupt.
In a job that totally sucks.
A child was called home.
Womb is closed.
Womb is open to 13.
Womb open to 6, most with disabilities.
God ends a relationship... was not ready for it to be ended.
A child is battling a life long disease.
Single parent.
A husband is not the priest, prophet, protector, provider He was created to be.
Family members are not saved.


So many valleys, pain and uncomfortable situations.  Really... how good is He?  But again, that's not the question.  As I read I see time and time again how good He is.  If I truly believe in Jesus the Christ, the sovereign God of the Universe, trust in His promise Romans 8:28 then, I know  He is good!  The question is not Him, it's me!


I was recently reading in Judges 7.  Gideon, along with the people of Israel, were getting ready to take on Midian.  God told Gideon that....vs. 2  "The people who are with you are too many for me to give Midian  into their hands, for Israel would become boastful, saying 'my own power has delivered me.'


If you continue to read you will see that God had Gideon dwindle the people down to a group of 300.  They started off with 33,000!!!  I think if I were apart of the 300 I would have been a bit scared.  Of course we see in vs. 28, Midian was subdued and once again all the glory goes to God!!!!  It was His mighty hand, not theirs. 


When I apply that story to my life or to the situations mentioned earlier, I begin to wonder...am I freely (freely being the key word, Philippians 2:14) allowing God to put me into uncomfortable situations OR.... am I trying to limit God, so that life is manageable in my own strength.  "We are weak but He is strong, Yes Jesus love me..."  I KNOW  I know I know, that I AM WEAK, I can't handle much...that's the scary part!!! BUT, so that I "would not become boastful."


I think for me, If I am really honest, I am scared to see just how good He really is because that would require a lot of obedience and it most certainly would require uncomfortable situations. 


Lord, I am no longer my own, but Yours.  Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will.  Let me be employed by You or laid aside for You, exalted for You or brought low by You.  Let me have all things, let me have nothing, I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.  And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, You are mine and I am Yours.  So be it. Amen.
~ John Wesley

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I wrote that last night and then this morning I read this devotional.  

http://utmost.org/the-brave-friendship-of-god/