Just Working Through Some More Pride

That which hath been is that which shall be; and that which hath been done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 1:9


Reminds me I am not alone.  I am not the only one.  And I guess it would be prideful for me to think I was...the only one.

Suppose we all were experiencing the same thing...what benefit would that be?  Well I guess it might make me feel better?  But that's not the point of our experiences. 

Many years ago I was dealing with years of infertility and then following that we were going through adoptions.  Seriously, at the time, I felt like I was the only one experiencing my thoughts, depression, and marriage issues.  I actually got angry at others and the Lord that I was the only one going through this. 

Of course I see now.  I realize I was so caught up in my emotions.  It really was, at the time, all about me.  I am so thankful for Gods mercy.  I am grateful that the Lord loves me so much to He help me get over myself and receive the gifts He had planned for me to receive in that time of pain.  I am also grateful He works it all together for His good...EVEN my selfish "I'm the only one" thoughts.    It has taught me how to share my experiences with others in a God honoring way, unlike before. When sharing I used to have thoughts running through my head like, "you wouldn't understand, or, you have no clue".  Totally prideful!  Then there were times I just didn't share at all in order to protect myself from what others may say because of their lack of understanding and then, I would get angry because I felt like I couldn't share.  I realize now, I don't always have to share!!!  Most of the time when I thought I was sharing really all I was doing was complaining, grumbling, and inviting you to my pity party and then when you did not appease my flesh I would get mad at you.  Ugh, such a vicious cycle!  Good grief, how is it that some of you still love me, LOL!!! 

The past has taught me to remove my expectations on others.  It's not always about them understanding my situation...it's about how Christ is working, it's about how good God is, despite the situation!!  It's about me trying to understand what God is teaching me and translating that to others so they may turn towards God in their situation.

So right now, to be honest with you, I feel like I am the only one who has children that dis-like each other.  Daughters who are sooooooooooooo mean to each other.  They act like they hate each other.  They fight and bicker all the time.  And I'm not talking about the typical toddler fights. Every time I turn around I swear they are yelling something so hateful to each other. Their facial expressions and body language is terrible!!!  I would like to blame it all on one particular child, and yes, she may need a little more help than the others, but we all need help in this area.  We don't all respond like we should due to stress levels and sometimes shock from what we are hearing come out of our child's mouth.

Back to the whole expectation/ entitled attitude thing.  I do realize I CANNOT expect my children to obey or be kind, loving and compassionate.  Even if that's what I try teach them ALL DAY LONG!  It's about directing their hearts towards the Lord and how their actions makes the Lord feel (not how mommy feels) so that they would want to please the Lord...not me.    It's about me going to the Lord daily and asking Him to get a hold of their little hearts and make the changes He needs to make.  In the mean time...I really want to pull my hair out!!!!!  Not to mention it's breaking my heart.  So if you feel lead, please pray for our hearts, our reactions responses and that we would be able to bring glory to Christ through our weaknesses.